****** Jokes
What's the difference between dog shit and ******s?
When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.
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What's the difference between a (((***))) and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
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What's the difference between a ****** and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.
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What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?
******s.
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Why don't sharks eat ******s?
They think it's whale shit.
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What do you call a ****** in a tree with a briefcase?
Branch manager.
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How come there aren't any illegals on Star Trek?
They don't work in the future, either.
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Why do ******s cry during sex?
The Mace.
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How do you stop a ****** from drowning?
Take your foot off the back of his head.
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How do you get a ****** out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
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What did the Alabama sheriff call the ****** who had been shot 15 times?
Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
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What do you get when you cross a retard with a gang banger?
Someone who spray paints on a chain link fence.
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Why do ******s stink?
So blind people can hate them too.
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What do you get when you cross a ****** and an illegal?
Someone too lazy to steal.
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Why don't ******s take aspirin?
They refuse to pick the cotton out.
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What do ****** kids get for Christmas?
Your bike.
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What's a ******s idea of foreplay?
"Don't scream or I'll cut you, bitch."
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Why do illegals drive low-riders?
So they can cruise and pick lettuce at the same time.
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What do you get when you cross a (((***))) and a gypsy?
A chain of empty retail stores.
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Why don't ****** kids play in the sandbox?
Cats keep covering them up.
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What do you call an apartment full of ******s?
A COON-dominium.
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Why are there no ****** astronauts?
Their lips explode at 50,000 feet.
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How do you babysit a ******?
Wet his lips and stick him to the wall.
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How do you get him down?
Teach him to say "Motherfucker."
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How else do you babysit a ******?
Put Velcro on the ceiling and tell him to jump.
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How do you get him down?
Invite the illegals over, blindfold them and tell them it's a piņata party.
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Why do (((***)))s have big noses?
Air is free.
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What is a ****** on a bike?
Thief.
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What's long and ****** and smells like shit?
The welfare line.
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What do you call 50 ******s at the bottom of the ocean?
Good start.
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What is the worst 3 years of a ******s life?
First grade.
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How was break dancing invented?
******s trying to steal hubcaps from moving cars.
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Why do ******s keep chickens in their back yards?
To teach their kids how to walk.
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How do you know Adam and Eve were not ******?
You ever try to take a rib from a ******?
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What is a ******?
Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.
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What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead ****** in the road?
The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.
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What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
"I set WHO free?"
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Why are chimps always frowning?
They know in a million years they are going to turn into ******s.
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Why is interrogating a illegal like a pool ball?
The harder you hit it the more English you get.
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How many (((***)))s can you fit in a VolksWagon?
All of them if you put them in the ashtray.
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A ****** and an illegal jump off the Empire State Building, who hits the ground first?
Who cares.
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A ****** and an illegal jump off the Empire State Building, who hits the ground first?
The illegal, because the ****** had to stop on the way down and spray paint "motherfucker" on the wall.
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Why don't illegals have barbeques?
The beans keep falling through the grill.
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You hear about the new car made in Israel?
Not only can it stop on a dime, it will go back and pick it up.
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What do you call an Ethiopian with a pickle on his head?
A quarter-pounder.
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How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?
All of them.
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How do you start a foot race in Ethiopia?
Roll a doughnut down the street.
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How many ******s does it take to pave a driveway?
One if you spread him real thin.
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How do you blindfold a chink?
Dental floss.
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How do chinks name their kids?
They throw silverware down the stairs.
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What's the difference between a ****** and a bag of shit?
The bag.
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What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
Father's Day.
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When does a ****** man turn into a ******?
As soon as he leaves the room.
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What do you call a ****** with a Harvard education?
******.
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What do you call a ****** in a courtroom in a 3 piece suit?
The defendant.
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There is a ****** and an illegal in a car, who's driving?
The cop.
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Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
He doesn't know he's a ******.
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How long does it take a ****** bitch to take a shit?
9 months.
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Why don't ****** women wear panties to picnics?
To keep the flies off the chicken.
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Why does Alabama have ******s and California have earthquakes?
California got first pick.
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Why do illegal cars have those little steering wheels?
So they can drive handcuffed.
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Why are ******s like sperm?
Only one in a million actually work.
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What do you call Mike Tyson with no arms?
Niger ****** ******.
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How do you fit 100 Cubans in a shoe box?
Tell
them its a raft.
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Why do police dogs lick their ass?
To get the taste of ****** out of their mouth.
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What can a pizza do that a ****** can't?
Feed a family of four.
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Why did the ****** carry a piece of shit in his wallet?
I.D.
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What is red green yellow orange purple and pink?
A ****** dressed for church.
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Why do ******s have flat (((***)))s?
That's where god put his feet when he was pulling off their tails.
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Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.
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What is the difference between a white owl and a ****** owl?
A white owl goes, "Who, who," a ****** owl goes, "Who dat? Who dat?"
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Did you hear about the new ****** Barbie?
It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.
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What is ******, white, and rolls off the end of the pier?
A ****** and a seagull fighting over a chicken wing.
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What do you get when you cross a ****** with a gorilla?
A dumb gorilla.
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What is the difference between Batman and a ****** man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
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Did you hear about the new Chap Stick for ******s?
It comes in a spray can.
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What's the difference between ******s and pit-bulls?
It's still legal to own a pit-bull.
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What do you say to a ****** man in uniform?
"I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke."
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Why do ******s walk the way they do?
Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging
a coat hanger.
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What happened when the Ethiopian fell in the crocodile pit?
He ate six crocs before they could pull him out.
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Why do ******s call white people "honkies"?
That's the last sound they hear before the white people run them over.
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How do you stop a ****** from going out?
Pour more gas on him.
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Did you hear about the ****** with insomnia?
He kept waking up twice a week.
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What do you do if you run over a ******?
Reverse.
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Why do decent white folks shop at ****** yard sales?
To get all their stuff back.
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Who were the three most famous women in ****** history?
Aunt Jemima, Diana Ross, and Mother Fucker!
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Hear about the new bumper sticker that says "Run, Jesse, Run"?
You put it on the front of your car.
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What do Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles have in common?
They're both ******s.
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How come Stevie Wonder & Ray Charles can't read?
They're both ******s.
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Why do ******s wear wide-brimmed hats?
So pigeons can't shit on their lips.
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Why did so many ****** soldiers get killed in Vietnam?
Every time someone yelled "Get down!" the ******s would
jump up and start dancing.
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What do you get when you cross a ****** with a Vietnamese?
Nothing. There are some things even a Vietnamese won't do.
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What's ****** and tan and looks good on a ******?
A Doberman Pinscher.
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What's the fastest animal in the world?
The Ethiopian chicken.
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Did you hear about Evel Knieval's new motorcycle stunt?
He's going to ride through Ethiopia with a sandwich tied to his back.
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Did you hear about Ku Klux Knieval?
He tried to jump 50 ******s with a steam roller.
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Why was golf invented?
So white people get a chance to dress like ******s.
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What do you do if you see a ****** with half a head?
Stop laughing and reload.
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Why did god create orgasms?
So ******s know when to stop.
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Why did god give ******s rhythm?
Because he fucked up their hair, (((***))) and lips.
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Why are so many ******s moving to Detroit?
They heard there were no jobs there.
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Why can't ****** women become nuns?
Because they can't get used to saying 'superior' after 'Mother'.
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How do you fit 15 ******s in the back of a Cadillac?
Don't worry, they'll figure it out.
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What's yellow and ****** and makes you laugh ?
A bus full of ******s going over a cliff.
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How do you stop a ****** from drowning?
You don't.
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Whats blue and hangs in my front yard?
My ****** I can paint him whatever color I want.
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Why do seagulls have wings?
To beat the ******s to the dump.
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What's a crying shame?
When a bus full of ******s drives off a cliff and there were 3 empty seats.
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What do you call an Ethiopian with a feather up his ass?
A dart.
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Why did the (((***)))s wander in the desert for
40 years?
Because one of them lost a quarter.
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What does N.A.A.C.P
stand for?
******s Are Always Causing Problems
How many illegals does it take to have a bath?
Five, one to lie in the tub and four to spit on him.
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What do a ****** and an apple have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why are ******s always buried 12 feet deep?
Deep down they're good people.
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What's the difference between a porch monkey and a yard ape?
The length of the chain.
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What's ******, orange, and very pretty?
A ****** on fire.
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What do you have if you've got a ****** up to his neck in cement?
Not enough cement.
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How was copper wire invented?
Two (((***)))s fighting over a penny.
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How do you starve a ******?
Hide his welfare check under his work boots.
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How do you get 12 ******s in a Volkswagen?
Throw in a welfare check.
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How do you get them out?
Throw in a job application.
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Why are there trees in Harlem?
Public transportation.
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How does a ****** woman fight crime?
She has an abortion.
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What do you say when you see your T.V. floating around at night?
"Drop it ******."
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Black Invention Myths
JOKES (page 2)
JOKES (page 3)
JOKES (page
4)
